Just a Few Tomatoes
Recently, some of the children have been bringing me afternoon tea before I’ve had chance to go for it myself. The last couple of days, they also brought a few tomatoes with the tea. I assumed the tomatoes were put out for everyone, but today I asked the child who brought them, and it turns out they were given only to me — for the sake of my health.
That’s really not good.
Yes, my health is important. But so is everyone’s health. What good is it for the lama to have good health and a long life if the students do not? The lama is nothing without the students.
More generally, this is not a good way of doing things. I’m trying to create an environment here where everyone is equal. How can that happen if I’m receiving special treatment — different food, and so on?
I’ve said many times that if you’re not studying or practising, or if your behaviour is having a detrimental effect on the Dharma environment we’re trying to build here, you will be asked to leave. But aside from that, I will do everything I can to ensure that no one has to leave for financial reasons. If we fall on hard times, we’ll endure them together—through thick and thin. We eat from the same pot, and if there are only scraps left in the cupboard, we’ll share them. Then, I’ll borrow money if I can—and if there’s no one to borrow from, I’ll go and beg. If that doesn’t work, then we’ll go hungry and cold together.
Many people have suggested I should have separate food, and some have offered to cook for me. But I can’t live like that. I may not be a good lama to you, but I feel I must at least fulfil the role of a father—the head of the family. And as I see it, a good father doesn’t eat the best food while his children eat something lesser. I couldn’t do that.
It’s especially troubling that the children were the ones bringing me the tomatoes. This plants very negative seeds in their minds. They may start thinking, “Okay, so when I’m a lama, I can expect special food and treats.”
This is what we see happening so often these days. Someone gains a good reputation as a decent lama, and soon they are inundated with offerings, praise, treats, invitations, and so on. It doesn’t take long before the offerings and their reputation become their main concern. They lose all thought of the Dharma, even though they’re now known as a lama. They stop exerting themselves in study and practice. In fact, they become unable to exert themselves at all. Their time is spent travelling, eating out, and looking for money and contacts. There are many examples of this.
It’s a disaster — not only for them, but because now they hold authority and people listen to them, it is also terrible for those who follow them. Once someone has lost the mindset of a Dharma practitioner, it’s impossible for them to lead others in the Dharma.
So, getting a few extra tomatoes might not seem like a big deal. But you must think carefully about the kind of culture such small things can create.
Taught in Thrangu Sekhar Retreat Centre, Nepal
18.07.2025
Drupon Khen Rinpoche